A New Feminist

One of the things I've been thinking about lately is feminism. Specifically, feminism in the church. I've recently read "Powerful and Free: Confronting the Glass Ceiling for Women in the Church" by Danny Silk and I'm in the middle of "Why Not Women : A Biblical Study of Women in Missions, Ministry, and Leadership" by Loren Cunningham, David Joel Hamilton, & Janice Rogers.

I am left wanting to know more and more and read different views and other insights into the subject. My husband's bible study provoked my furor. They were studying 1 Corinthians. Chris came home and told me that they had a detailed discussion about what "headship" meant. I asked if he'd stood up for womankind. It was a silly question really - Chris has never played the "headship" card. He plays the "I care about you and I want what's best for you" card. I'm not always easy to persuade, but after much discussion, I will buy myself some new clothes or get my annual haircut or take myself out for coffee and knitting.

I asked him later in the week if he wanted a "veto" card. I have to guess from his reaction, that the idea repulses him. Don't get me wrong - Chris is all about protecting me and being a strong man - but anything that looks like CONTROL is not something he aspires to.

I honestly don't understand what guys and women see in giving husbands a veto/final say/last word/power card. In the loosest sense, it never gets used, but there's an understanding that it's always there. It's just waiting to make an appearance... one day, when things are tough and marriage is hard enough without throwing a power struggle into the mix. In the worst sense, husbands oppress their wives and we all have heard those stories in the news.

How about another way? Where there is no veto card. Neither husband nor wife gets the final word on a discussion. You actually commit to talking it out until you are one, because that's what God called us to be when we got married. One. One Flesh. When Chris and I have an argument, usually it's because one of us was being a &*$!. Sometimes it's because we actually disagree on something. Those times we just talk and talk and listen and listen and practice our Non-Violent Communication (a must read), until one of us realizes that it's more important to the other person than it is to us and we submit to the other person. Why does one of us submit to the other? Because our relationship is more important to us than being right or the issue at hand. We don't necessarily change our mind and agree, we just choose to behave differently because we love each other.

Thank goodness Chris loves me more than he hates cleaning the house!

So, if there's another way to do marriage, why do we keep holding onto the idea that husbands need a veto card? Because a lot of us have been taught that God wants it that way. God has veto over Christ, Christ over man, and man over women.

Maybe we could look at that differently... where "headship" means "source" or "fountainhead" and like Ezekiel's River, the source serves the outflow. As the river runs, it gets bigger, wider, deeper because of the fountainhead. Maybe head actually means what Christ lived - leading by service. There are lots of books on the theology supporting a different way of thinking about women in Christianity, I don't need to go into it here. I will leave with one quote though...

"The truth is that male religious leaders have had - and still have - an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world." - Jimmy Carter